Hut in the Forest

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Act I Choice: [[Punish Villagers]] [[Forgive Villagers]]

The villagers fear you, but they offer less warning and protection. [[Chosen One]] Rewards fireballs, fear

Villagers create busywork for you, but warn of danger [[Chosen One]] Rewards protection charms, minor curses, familiars, glamour spells

Lost child wandered away from royal entourage [[Animal Lessons]]

Teaches the horror or authoritarianism, if used with sparrow lesson increases chaos, if used with dog lesson moderates, increases desire for the illusion of freedom.

leads to enlightened despotism rewards love potions, fear spells

leads to freedom and chaos, weakness against the orcs rewards fireballs

[[Ants Lesson]] [[Dog Lesson]] [[Sparrow Lesson]]

illusion of freedom, rewards glamour spells, fireballs

authoritarianism, rewards glamour spells, fear spells

republicanism rewards fireballs, glamour spells

Will destabilize the state, depending on many things. May also lead to destruction of your hut.

State is destroyed

The Chosen One consolidates power, asks your help

Flee

Double-click this passage to edit it.

<<set $firstscry to 0>><<set $boarded to 0>><<set $firstscry to 0>><<set $boarded to 0>><<set $fireballprogress to 0>><<set $glamourprogress to 0>><<set $week to 1>><<set $villagers to 1>><<set $counter to 0>><<set $money to 5>><<set $houselist to "">><<set $spells to ["Polymorph", "Curse of Withering", "Glamour"]>><<set $house to ["Utility Cauldron"]>>My career as a big-city <<click "witch">><<replace "#introgender">><<set $gender to "f">><<setgender "f">>witch did not go well at all. Only four years after finishing my M.A. in the Dark Arts, I was forced to move to a low-rent hut deep in the woods. [[continue|villagers]]<</replace>><</click>>/<<click "wizard">><<setgender "m">><<set $gender to "m">><<replace "#introgender">>wizard did not go well at all. Only four years after finishing my M.A. in the Dark Arts, I was forced to move to a low-rent hut deep in the woods. [[continue|villagers]]<</replace>><</click>> did not go well at all.

<<set $week to 1>><<set $counter++>>I moved my things into the hut, I had a bed, a rocking chair, and a utility cauldron. I settled into my chair to... [[ponder the universe.]] [[get drunk on box wine.]] [[watch the beauty of nature.]]

I had just about convinced myself that all reality was but the dream of a butterfly when <<display "Angry Mob">>

As the Ancient Ones had once pronounced, "It's 11 AM somewhere." I was about three glasses in when <<display "Angry Mob">>

I walked into the forest a ways from my hut. I saw a little bird doing an aerial dance in the sunshine. Suddenly, it bolted into the brush. A second later, I understood why. On a nearby path were dozens of people, walking and murmuring. [[I investigated.]] [[I returned home.]]

a mob of men and women from the nearby village came down the path. They had pitchforks and torches. I rose to meet them, calling out [["Hello, neighbors! Out for a friendly pitchfork-and-torches group walk?"]] [["Doom! Doom shall come upon any who approaches."]] [["Greetings. Why don't we all just calm down a smidge?"]]

The mob staggered and hesitated slightly. But then, a woman came out from amongst them, bearing aloft a holy symbol. "I fear not your evil power, <<wizardwitch>>," she declared. <<display "The Leader">>

Some of the villagers backed away. I saw grips on torches loosen, and tips of pitchforks fall. Then, a woman near the front shouted, "Trust not her lies!" <<display "The Leader">>

The mob was not amused. <<display "The Leader">>

The mob's leader brandished a cooking knife and strode forward. "We don't need servants of evil here," she growled. I replied [[by turning her into a newt.]] [[by asking, "But what if evil could serve you?"]]

I waved my hands and threw a good handful of fairy powder at the woman. She collapsed instantly into a pile of clothes and an unpleasant lizard. The other members of the mob turned and ran.<<set $villagers to 2>> [[I settled into my new home.|Week 1]]

I launched into a solid sales pitch. "Think of all the curses you could cast on your landlord," I implored. Shortly thereafter, I was informed by the mob that the woman was, in fact, the landlord. "What about glamours?" I asked, "I could do something about your whole face-situation." This, too, did not go over well. But the rest of the mob was listening. I realized [[that the mob was wavering.]] [[that turning people into newts was always the best approach in these situations.|by turning her into a newt.]]

I opened my pitch to the crowd, yelling out, "Who wants a charm to turn milk into mead? Or a fireball in the sky on holidays? Or," and I lowered my voice, "who just wants to know where in the woods to find the *good* mushrooms?" The crowd put down their weapons. Their former leader yelled "attack!" "Yes, attack," I said. "Attack... these deals!" The mob began placing orders. By the end of the day, I had made six silver, and the villagers went home, mostly content.<<set $villagers to 3>><<set $money to $money + 6>> [[I settled into my new home.|Week 1]]

In the hut<<if $week == 2>><<goto "Week 2">><<elseif $week == 4>><<goto "Week 4">><<elseif $week == 6>><<goto "Week 6">><<endif>> Week: <<print $week>> Money: <<print $money>> Spells: <<for $i to 0; $i lt $spells.length; $i++>> <<print $spells[$i]>> <</for>> <<if $week == 1>>My new life began. In the first week, I chose to: [[punish the nearby village for its insolence.]] <<if $money gt 0>>[[go shopping on the Scrying Network.]] <<endif>>[[research new spells.]] [[just kind of hang out.]] <<elseif $week gt 2>> Back to normal life. I chose to: <<if $money gt 0>>[[go shopping on the Scrying Network.]] <<endif>><<if $fireballprogress lt 2 || $glamourprogress lt 2>>[[research new spells.]] <<endif>> <<if $house.includes("scrying dish")>>[[scry me up some future.]] [[just kind of hang out.]] <<endif>> <<endif>>

They were fools to ever cross a <<wizardwitch>>. They would soon face the brunt of my wrath, which was [[subtle as a wolf.]] [[fierce as an angrier wolf.]]

I poured clear water in a bowl and threw in a few drops of mineral oil. The water clouded and slowly coloured, until it showed an image of an attractive young witch in front of shelves. My eyes were drawn to a shelf marked "based on your previous purchases." I was particularly interested by <<if $money gt 3>>[[an artisanal scrying dish for four silvers.|a real scrying dish.]] <<endif>><<if $money gt 4>>[[a premium cauldron for five silvers.|a premium cauldron.]] <<endif>><<if $house.includes("wine") && $house.includes("art") && $house.includes("cowprint")>>Nothing. I guess material things can't make me happy. [[back|Week 1]] <<else>>[[some tasteful decorations in the one silver range.|some tasteful decorations.]]<<endif>>

It's never too late to learn something new. I needed a new spell, one that could <<if $fireballprogress lt 2>>[[incinerate my enemies|fireball explain]]<<endif>> <<if $glamourprogress lt 2>>[[create greater illusions|illusion explain]]<<endif>>

I used a glamour to change my appearance, then snuck into the town. I decided to [[go to the inn|the inn.]] [[leave and think on the futility of revenge.]]

I worked up my fury by pacing angrily and playing aggressive melodies on the lute. By two in the morning, I was good and mad. In the dark of the night, my face red, angry sweat dripping down my forehead, I decided to [[wither their crops.]] [[run in and just start turning everyone into newts.]]

I walked into the inn. The room was bright and happy. The villagers were celebrating <<if $villagers == 2>>their freedom from the now-newted landlady<<else>>their newly-bought magical items.<<endif>> Thinking me an attractive traveler, a large group waved for me to join them. I decided to [[join them, and learn how their precious society could be undone.]] [[just go ahead and start newt-ing people.]]

I worked for days to brew up a perfect Curse of Withering in my utility cauldron. When I threw the final ingredient in the cauldron, a dark smoke billowed to the sky. It flowed west through the sky, joining with the clouds. When the rain fell on the village that night, it destroyed their wheat and barley.<<set $villagers to 0>> I thought [["What have I done?"]] [["Good luck toiling yourselves to death now, losers."]]

I walked into the village square as the sun rose over head. I stood silently as the villagers, frightened and curious, peeked out of their hovels The entire village emptied into the square, and still, I remained silent. They talked to me and to each other, yelled threats and pleas, and I remained silent. When the first villager started to wander off, I started turing them into newts. They stampeded out of the village, a collection of newts dropping behind them. Those who escaped will not be coming back.<<set $villagers to 0>> [[Well, moving on...]]

In the morning, I ran to the village, but it was too late. The villagers had abandoned their dead fields and moved on to toil somewhere else. Perhaps the mines.<<set $villagers to 0>> [[Well, moving on...]]

I never saw any of the enserfed jerks again. I guess they fled to somewhere where I wouldn't follow.<<set $villagers to 0>> [[That was a a good day's work|Well, moving on...]]

<<set $week++>><<goto "Week 1">>

After a few rounds, I learned some unsettling gossip. The vicar was said to be stealing from the collection plate. The town midwife was committing the unimaginative sin of sleeping with a milk delivery-man. The miller had been working to drive the blacksmith out of town. There was only one thing to do with this information, [[realize that we are all flawed but beautiful individuals, just doing our best in this cold world.]] [[snitch on everyone.]]

In the time since leaving my hut, I had grown as a person. Why hurt these scared, silly villagers? Perhaps they could even be useful. [[Well, moving on...]]

I returned, feeling enlightened and humble by my time with my fellow human beings. [[Well, moving on...]]

Over the course of several days, I haunted the bar bench, spilling their secrets like beer suds. Also, I spilled beer suds. Slowly, the village turned against itself. Bar fights became common. People went missing. Fires were started. When I returned on the fifth day, the gates were closed. I could not see what was happening inside, but it could not have been good.<<set $villagers to 0>> [[Well, moving on...]]

<<if $house.includes("premium cauldron")>><<set $fireballprogress to $fireballprogess + 2>><<else>><<set $fireballprogress to $fireballprogress + 1>><<endif>><<if $fireballprogress lt 2>>Night after night, my hut in the forest lit up with the fire of my experiments. I burned <<if $gender == "m">>my beard<<else>>my dress<<endif>>, my couch, and the nicest bit of wallpaper. My tasteful design scheme was ruined, and for what? Only a small bit of progress. With more work or a better cauldron, perhaps I would perfect it. [[Well, moving on...]]<<else>>It cost me all week and some of my most beloved layers of skin, but I finally mastered the power of fire. My enemies would fear me, now.<<set $spells.push("Fireball")>> [[Excellent.|Well, moving on...]]<<endif>>

<<if $house.includes("premium cauldron")>><<set $glamourprogress to $glamourprogess + 2>><<else>><<set $glamourprogress to $glamourprogress + 1>><<endif>><<if $glamourprogress lt 2>>My utility cauldron was nowhere near large enough for this kind of research. My potion boiled over into the fire. Still, with hard work and concentration, I managed to pull off a vaguely appealing glamour. It was the kind of thing you might see in a beginner's art class. By a student with a shaky hand. But it was a start. With more work or a better cauldron, perhaps I would perfect it. [[Well, moving on...]]<<else>>After long nights, finally I unlocked the key to human perception. Time to look fabulous.<<set $spells.push("Illusion of Terrible Beauty")>> [[Excellent|Well, moving on...]]<<endif>>

<<set $money to $money - 4>>I placed the order. Over the next few days, the excitement built. I watched the road for the delivery ghoul morning, noon, and night. Finally, it arrived! The scrying dish was made of beautiful faux silver. It reflected my face. Perhaps, in time, it would reflect many things!<<set $house.push("scrying dish")>> [[excellent]]

<<set $house.push("premium cauldron")>><<set $money to $money - 5>>I placed the order. Over the next few days, the excitement built. I watched the road for the delivery ghoul morning, noon, and night. Finally, it arrived! I threw out my crummy old utility cauldron and placed the premium one in the center of my hut. Now I would be <<if $gender == "m">>wizarding<<else>>witching<<endif>> like a pro. With this cauldron, I could research spells much faster than before. [[excellent]]

<<set $money to $money - 1>>It was time to turn the hut into a home. I bought <<if $house.includes("wine")>><<else>>[[a carving of a wine bottle reading "I can't function without my glasses."]]<<endif>> <<if $house.includes("cowprint")>><<else>>[[everything available in cowprint.]]<<endif>> <<if $house.includes("art")>><<else>>[[some sort of modern art.]]<<endif>>

I placed the order. Over the next few days, the excitement built. I watched the road for the delivery ghoul morning, noon, and night. Finally, it arrived! I was glad that any theoretical guests would understand my love of wine.<<set $house.push("wine")>> [[excellent]]

We all need a "thing", and I decided that my thing would be collecting cowprint things. I started with a lamp and throw pillows. Over the next few days, the excitement built. I watched the road for the delivery ghoul morning, noon, and night. Finally, they arrived! I place the pillows and lamp around my hut. They would certainly be conversation pieces, I thought. They would make me so interesting.<<set $house.push("cowprint")>> [[excellent]]

I placed the order. Over the next few days, the excitement built. I watched the road for the delivery ghoul morning, noon, and night. Finally, it arrived! It a sculpture, I assume. I put it in front of the couch. I hoped it was on-brand.<<set $house.push("art")>> [[excellent]]

In the hut Week: <<print $week>> Money: <<print $money>> Spells: <<for $i to 0; $i lt $spells.length; $i++>> <<print $spells[$i]>> <</for>> On Sunday, I heard a faint knock at my door. <<set $hortense to [""]>> [[I opened it.]] [[I ignored it.]]

Before me was a girl, perhaps fourteen years of age, who wore fine clothes but was clearly suffering from exposure. [[I invited her in.]]

The knock came again, louder and more insistent. [[I opened it.]]

The girl sat on my couch. From time to time, she glanced at <<if $house.includes("cowstuff")>>the cowprint lamp<<elseif $house.includes("art")>>the modern sculpture<<elseif $house.includes("premium cauldron")>>my fancy cauldron<<else>>the floor<<endif>>. <<display "Actions List">>

I filled a glass from the well bucket. She drank it down so quickly that she choked. <<display "Actions List">>

It took some coaxing, but eventually the girl stuttered, "Princess Hortense." <<set $knownname to 1>><<display "Actions List">>

Luckily, I had an old box of Chosen One Testing Strips. After swabbing the girl's hand with the strip, I waited impatiently. Slowly, the image on the strip resolved into an "X". <<if $knownname == 1>>Princess Hortense<<else>>The girl<<endif>> was indeed a Chosen One! I said<<if $knownname == 1>> [["Princess Hortense, you may be more important than you know."]] [["Princess Hortense, we should get you back home."]] <<else>> [["Strange girl, you may be more important than you know."]] [["Strange girl, we should get you back home."]] <<endif>>

I decided to <<actions [[get her a glass of water.]] [[ask her what her name is.]] [[ask how she came to the hut.]] [[test to see if she is a Chosen One.]]>>

I explained how Chosen Ones only come around every few generations as well as how they were desitned to be great leaders. Princess Hortense was confused. "I'm the littlest of my sisters," she said. "They always push me around. How can I be great?" I answered [["With my tutelage, of course!"]] [["Dunno kid, guess you're in for a rough time."]]

I took her to the king's road. Before we even saw the road, we were ambushed by a squadron of the king's huntsmen, bows at the ready. They brought us back to the king's hunting encampment. The king, the most powerful human in the world, emerged from his tent. The huntsmen fell to their knees. "Dad!" cried the girl to God's chosen leader of the world. The king ran forward and wrapped her in his arms. "Who brought you home?" asked the king. The princess pointed to me. "You shall have great treasure!" the king said. Unfortunately, what the king considered "great treasure" for the commoners was a modest bag of ten silvers.<<set $money to $money + 10>> Hortense said, "Dad, you always say I should have a tutor! Can <<heshe>> come back a tutor me?" The king stroked his chin, then declared, "The weird forest <<wizardwitch>> shall work as your tutor. For exposure." [[I accepted, in recognition of how the king can do literally anything to anyone for any reason.]]

The girl looked up at me and said, indignantly, "My name is Princess Hortense." I replied, [["Well, alright, Your Majesty, you might be exactly as important as you know."|"Princess Hortense, you may be more important than you know."]] [["My apologies. Well, Princess Hortense, you are more important than you know."|"Princess Hortense, you may be more important than you know."]]

The girl looked up at me and said, indignantly, "My name is Princess Hortense."<<set $hortense.push("angry")>> I replied, [[Well, alright, Your Majesty, let's get you home.|"Princess Hortense, we should get you back home."]]

The huntsmen took the princess. I heard them talking about a reward. [[Looks like I missed out.|transition to Week 2]]

The huntsmen were upset, but accepted that we were inseperable. They brought us back to the king's hunting encampment. The king, the most powerful human in the world, emerged from his tent. The huntsmen fell to their knees. "Dad!" cried the girl to God's chosen leader of the world. The king ran forward and wrapped her in his arms. "Who brought you home?" asked the king. The princess pointed to me. "You shall have great treasure!" the king said. Unfortunately, what the king considered "great treasure" for the commoners was a modest bag of ten silvers.<<set $money to $money + 10>> [[I offered my services as a tutor.]] [[I went home.|transition to Week 2]]

<<goto "Week 1">>

Princess Hortense started to cry. I shrugged, then said, [["Maybe I could help."|"With my tutelage, of course!"]] [["Time to go home."]]

Princess Hortense perked up. She said, "Come back to the castle with me. You can be my tutor!" [[I accompanied her back to the king's road.]]

<<goto '"Princess Hortense, we should get you back home."'>>

We soon found the king's hunting encampment. The king, the most powerful human in the world, emerged from his tent. The huntsmen fell to their knees. "Papa!" cried the girl to God's chosen leader of the world. The king ran forward and wrapped her in his arms. "Who brought you home?" asked the king. The princess pointed to me. "You shall have great treasure!" the king said. Unfortunately, what the king considered "great treasure" for the commoners was a modest bag of ten silvers.<<set $money to $money + 10>> Over the course of the day, I hung around the camp. Eventually, the king came to me and offered me a position as a tutor. [[Excellent!]]

She explained, "I... followed a light. In the forest. I think it might have been a ghost! When it disappeared, I was all turned around. I've been trying to get back all day. I saw your hut and thought you could help." <<display "Actions List">>

<<set $hortense.push("home")>><<set $week to 3>><<goto "Week 1">>

I accompanied the hunting party back to the castle, where they set me up in the highest room of the tallest tower. My first lesson for the princess began the next day. As I had learned back in grad school in Chosen One Pedagogy class, the best way to teach a Chosen One was to transform them into various animals and place them in dangerous situations. <<set $hortense to [""]>><<set $lessons to 0>>For the first lesson, I chose to transform Princess Hortense into [[an ant.]] [[a dog.]] [[a sparrow.]]

I procured an anthill from some guy selling them out of his coat. When Hortense arrived the next day, I set it on the table. "I'm going to change us," I said. "Stick close to me and you'll be fine." We locked arms above the anthill, and I transformed us both. [[I took a look around.]]

We walked out to the palace green. Without much ado, I transformed us both into dogs. The world was washed into black and white, but my nose was opened up. I smelled meat and fresh-cut lumber. Hortense, a beagle, looked at me for guidance. I decided to [[go towards the meat.]] [[go towards the lumber.]]

I led her to the window. "Ready?" I asked. "Yes!" she said, excitedly. I transformed us both into sparrows. We flitted around the windowsill. Then, I [[flew around the room.]] [[leapt out of the window into the free blue sky.]]

I was a black ant sitting on top of the anthill. I located Hortense quickly by looking for the most disoriented nearby ant. Ant-Hortense was walking in circles in a panic. I came close and chemical-signalled, "You can't see very well with ant eyes. Use your other senses." Other ants swarmed around us, chemically signalling wildly. "Sick," asserted some, "danger," asserted others. But most of the ants just ordered us, "Work. Find food." I touched the back of Hortense' thorax with my antenna and [[led her to go look for food.]] [[moved to defend her from the other ants.]] [[turned us back into humans.|I turned us back into humans.]]

Fortunately, I had an advantage. I made straight for the pile of seeds I'd placed on the anthill. Hortense followed closely. When I came closer, I signalled, "Food!" Other ants ran past us to pick up seeds. One of them nudged Hortense, signalling, "Work. Carry food." "How rude!" Hortense replied. The ants kept nudging us. So [[Hortense and I helped carry the food.]] [[I fought back against the ants.|moved to defend her from the other ants.]] [[I turned us back into humans.]]

<<set $hortense.push("fightback")>>I bit the closest ant. It tasted terrible. The other ants signalled wildly. They surrounded us. Hortense pushed one back. Another's jaws clamped on my antennae. Quickly [[I turned us back into humans.]]

We grabbed a seed each and wandered back to the tunnel entrances. At the entrance of the tunnel, Hortense stopped. It was pitch dark in the hole below us. Then, the most beautiful chemical signal came through the din of smells. The signal was from a much larger and odorous ant, and it said, "Come to Mother. Bring food to Mother. Mother loves you." The signal made me ecstatic. Hortense was already crawling into the tunnel. I decided to [[obey.]] [[obey.]] [[obey.]] [[OBEY.|obey.]]

We stood again over the anthill, watching our former sisters mill around. I asked Hortense what she learned. "I learned <<if $hortense.includes("love")>>that, for royalty, love is a terrible kind of power<<elseif $hortense.includes("fightback")>>that it is right to fight back against oppressors<<else>>nothing, I'm afraid<<endif>><<if $hortense.includes("love") && $hortense.includes("fightback")>>, but also that it is right to fight back against oppression."<<else>>."<<endif>> <<set $lessons++>><<if $lessons < 2>>Hortense was too shaken for another lesson. So was I, frankly. I sent her back to her other instructors. [[I waited for several days until our next lesson.]] <<else>>Hortense was too shaken for another lesson. So was I, frankly. I sent her back to her other instructors. On the day of her third lesson, though, the palace was in an uproar. [[I went down to the courtyard.]]<<endif>>

<<set $hortense.push("love")>>We brought the seeds into the central chamber. We could not see Mother, but we could feel her. Mother signalled, "Thank you. Mother loves you. Work. Find food." What else could we do? [[We obeyed.]]

We returned to the pile of seeds. Outside Mother's influence, I could think a little clearer. [[I grabbed a seed and encouraged Hortense to do the same.]] [[I attacked a nearby ant.|moved to defend her from the other ants.]] [[I turned us back into humans.]]

We returned to the central chamber. Our lovely Mother said again, "Thank you. Mother loves you. Work. Find food." [[We obeyed.]]

Hortense came back to the tower. She was apprehensive this time. For our second lesson, I chose to turn her into [[a dog.]] [[a sparrow.]]

A group of palace servants were carrying a platter of roast pork. We came close, but they began to shoo us away. Beagle Hortense gave me a hungry look. I decided [[to beg.]] [[to bite the servant.]]

We found some peasants cutting trees. Hundreds of broken sticks lay scattered around. I quickly moved to [[grab a stick.]] [[bother the peasants.]]

<<set $hortense.push("beg")>>I stood on my legs, and Hortense followed suit. The head servant, saying "aww," threw us a piece of pork. As we tore and ate it, the servants came by and petted our heads and backs. It was deeply satisfying. After, we'd eaten, we lay in the sun for the rest of the day. As the sun went down, I knew [[it was time to be human again.]]

<<set $hortense.push("bite")>>I bit the servant's ankle. Hortense, following my lead, bit his hand as it came down to swat me. What followed was a brutal melee in which Hortense and I were driven off, yelping and hungry. It was impossible to treat our wounds with dog paws. I knew [[it was time to be human again.]]

We stood in the field, watching the sun set over the castle. I asked Hortense what she learned. "I learned <<if $hortense.includes("beg")>>people will sacrifice their dignity for a small benefit<<elseif $hortense.includes("fightback")>>that we should always fight for what we want<<else>>nothing, I'm afraid<<endif>><<if $hortense.includes("beg") && $hortense.includes("kick")>>, but also that a strong person will fight for what she wants.<<else>>.<<endif>> <<set $lessons++>><<if $lessons < 2>>Hortense was too shaken for another lesson. So was I, frankly. I sent her back to her other instructors. [[I waited for several days until our next lesson.|I waited 2]] <<else>>Hortense was too tired for another lesson. So was I, frankly. I sent her back to her other instructors. On the day of her third lesson, though, the palace was in an uproar. [[I went down to the courtyard.]]<<endif>>

<<set $hortense.push("beg")>>I grabbed a stick, and Hortense did as well. The peasants, glad for the distraction, walked over and took the sticks, then threw them. We retrieved the sticks several times, for which we received many head pats. It was great. After a day of playing in the sunshine, I knew [[it was time to be human again.]]

<<set $hortense.push("beg")>>We jumped on the peasants. Instead of getting angry, they were welcome for the distraction. They petted our heads. They called Hortense and I<<if $gender == "m">>, erroneously,<<endif>> "good girls". It was great. After a day of playing in the sunshine, I knew [[it was time to be human again.]]

There was fighting in the courtyard, and not of the civilized variety. Instead of dueling, there was killing. <<if $spells.includes("Terrible Illusion")>>[[I conjured a terrible vision of shadow and flame.]]<<endif>> [[I shouted out, "What is the meaning of this?"]]

Hortense came back to the tower. This time, she was apprehensive. For our second lesson, I chose to turn her into [[an ant.]] [[a sparrow.]]

We practiced flying and pecking. By the end of the day, we could do several laps without crashing into anything.<<set $hortense.push("safe")>> After a safe and productive afternoon, [[I turned us back.]]

I thrilled in the air as it rushed past me. Looking back, I saw that Hortense, trusting me, had leapt as well. We fell, and then we glided, and finally we flapped. Hortense floundered, her wings and will not strong enough to maintain forward momentum. A hawk swooped down to take advantage of her weakness! Thinking quickly, I [[flew to distract the hawk.]] [[let her build character by handling this challenge herself.]]

We stood in the tower, exhausted. I asked Hortense what she had learned. "I learned <<if $hortense.includes("safe")>>that safety is always the best policy."<<elseif $hortense.includes("risk")>>that we should leap before we look."<<endif>> <<set $lessons++>><<if $lessons < 2>>Hortense was too shaken for another lesson. So was I, frankly. I sent her back to her other instructors. [[I waited for several days until our next lesson.|I waited 3]] <<else>>Hortense was too shaken for another lesson. So was I, frankly. I sent her back to her other instructors. On the day of her third lesson, though, the palace was in an uproar. [[I went down to the courtyard.]]<<endif>>

<<set $hortense.push("risk")>>I flapped into the hawk's line of vision. It switched to following me. Just as its talons were about to reach my tail, I [[snapped my wings back, falling like a stone.]] [[took a sharp turn, pecking right at the hawk's face.]]

The hawk came ever closer, its shadow hanging over Hortense. There was one final moment when Hortense could either dodge, or die. She didn't dodge. The hawk grabbed her in its talons and took back off into the sky. I could not save her. She was too far. [[Well, mistakes were made.]]

Under cover of night, I snuck out of the castle and returned to my hut in the woods. I felt bad about getting the hope of the world killed by a hawk, but, you know, [[it was time to move on.|transition to Week 3]]

<<set $hortense to ["dead"]>><<set $week to 3>> <<goto "Week 1">>

I fell, faster than I, or the hawk, thought possible. The hawk missed me by a mile, overshooting far past the castle and back up into the sky. [[We were safe, for the moment.]]

I went right for its upper face, pecking wildly. As I came near its eye, the hawk turned and ran. [[We were safe, for the moment.]]

That was, perhaps, enough adventure for the day. After a quick rest on a tree branch, we flew back to the tower, and [[I turned us back.]]

Isn't it great to just have some "me" time every now and then? I kicked back, got caught up in my books and scrycasts, and just let the pressure slip off my shoulders. [[What's next?|Well, moving on...]]

In the hut Week: <<print $week>> Money: <<print $money>> Spells: <<for $i to 0; $i lt $spells.length; $i++>> <<print $spells[$i]>> <</for>> On the Sunday of the fourth week in the hut, I awoke with a feeling of dread. Something, it seemed, had changed in the world. <<if $villagers lt 3>>[[There was nothing to do but wait and see.]]<<else>>A villager came running up the road. "Danger!" he shouted. "Danger from the North!" [[I asked, "What's the matter?"]] [[I turned him into a newt.]]<<endif>>

I passed an uneasy morning, and a mildly uncomfortable afternoon. By evening, I had convinced myself that everything would be fine. Just then, I heard an uproar as an orc horde, or, more maybe just a subset of a larger horde, marched into the clearing. They had soon surrounded my hut.<<if $boarded == 1>> Fortunately, I was prepared. The orcs surrounded my hut, reading the painted words with some difficulty. "O, Gutrender," said one. "Check it out: someone thinks we're cool!" Another orc, presumably Gutrender, said, "That's just the pick-me-up I needed! Hey lads, we're cool! Let's go out there and do our best today. The orcs began marching away. I <<if $spells.includes("Fireball")>>[[ran out to fireball them from behind.|cast down fireballs at my enemies.]] <<endif>><<if $village lt 1>>[[checked on the villagers.|Were the villagers alright?]] <<endif>>[[went back to the grind.|Back to the grind.]] <<else>> Bravely, I [[strode out to meet them.]] [[cowered under the coffee table.]] <<endif>>

The man took a moment to catch his breath, then said, "Orcs! Thousands of them!" There was no time to lose. I <<if $spells.includes("Fireball")>>[[went to do battle with the orc invaders.]]<<endif>> [[hid my hut under a glamour and waited it out.]]

He shrank down into a newt. A very quiet newt. Whoever said not to shoot the messenger had no sense for efficiency. <<display "There was nothing to do but wait and see.">>

There were hundreds of orcs; I could not newt them all. One of the bigger ones strode forward, demanding, "Give us all your shiny things." I replied [["No."]] [["Yes."]] <<if $spells.includes("Fireball")>>[[with a ball of eldritch flame.]]<<endif>>

Orcs roughly burst through my door. <<if $money gt 0>>They took all my silver coins, but left my <<wizardwitch>>ing tools.<<endif>> I had nothing left. [[Back to the grind.]] <<if $villagers lt 1>>[[Were the villagers alright?]]<<endif>>

My voice held a confident and assertive tone as a I explained that no, I would not be giving them my things. Later, when, I gained consciousness, there was a giant bump on my head, and my hut had been thoroughly looted.<<if $money gt 0>> They took all my silver coins, but left my <<wizardwitch>>ing tools<<endif>. [[Back to the grind.]] <<if $villagers lt 1[[Were the villagers alright?]]

<<if $money gt 0>>They took all my silver coins, but left my <<wizardwitch>>ing tools.<<endif>> I had nothing left. [[Back to the grind.]] <<if $villagers lt 1>>[[Were the villagers alright?]]<<endif>>

The orcs scattered before my fireballing prowess. My hut was safe. But was the country? [[Probably not, but I didn't care.|I had earned the rest of the week off.]] [[Probably not, so I left to fight the remainder of the horde.]]

<<set $week to 5>> <<set $house to [""]>> <<set $money to 0>> <<goto "Week 1">>

Unfortunately, the villagers were not alright. The orcs had burned their crops and looted their homes. Some had left, but others remained. Where could they go that the vast horde had not already destroyed, after all?<<set $villagers to 0>> [[Tough luck.|Naw]]

The villager timidly pointed me in the direction of the orc horde. I journeyed over forest and marsh, always considering the danger ahead of me but never once wavering. Climbing a hill, I saw the horde on a low plain below me. It was a vast pillaging army, coming to destroy not just villages, but even the castle itself. Rearing up on the great heights, I [[cast down fireballs at my enemies.]] [[calmed down a bit and went home.|There was nothing to do but wait and see.]]

<<set $orcs to "defeated">>Fire rained down from my hands, lighting the fields and farms and orc vanguard ablaze. The impacts shook the ground for miles around. The orcs fled it terror. I realized suddenly that [[I had done a truly good deed.]] [[I had probably earned one hell of a reward.]]

<<set $week to 5>> <<goto "Week 1">>

I passed a land of wastes that once fed the kingdom. The orcs had burned and polluted everything, then fled back up to their hills. Only the castle remained, its ladies and terrified lords cowering behind the walls. [[Time to go home.|I had earned the rest of the week off.]]

The melee stopped immediately, and in its place were about two dozen knights and dames cowering in fear. [[I demanded they explain themselves.]]

The nobles continued to hack away at each other. I wandered out among them, nearly taking a broadsword to the face. Luckily, Hortense found me and pulled me into an alcove. I asked her, "What's happening?" <<if $hortense.includes("bite")>>Hortense gave me a dark look. She said, "My father was an oppressor. It was time to remove him. I have engineered this coup, and I will rule as the Chosen One. As you have taught me." I answered, [["I didn't actually mean for you to launch a coup."]] [["Good for you! It's so heartening to see initiative in a young lady."]]<<else>><<display "Good Hortense">><<endif>>

One of the groveling nobles finally admitted to being part of an attempt to seize power. "The king has gone on a quest," he said. "A stronger hand is required." I was just considering newting him when Hortense touched my arm. "Don't interfere," she said. "I am the Chosen One and I will restore order. Myself." [[I returned to my hut.|transition]]

Hortense stamped her feet and said, "Well, that's what I learned. Now, if you'll excuse me, this government isn't going to topple itself." [[I returned to my hut.|transition]]

Hortense smiled. Her mouth smiled, and it was a normal smile. Her eyes smiled, but that was not a normal smile. That was a cruel smile. [[I returned to my hut.|transition]]

"No," replied Hortense. "I'm afraid that this is something I have to do myself. [[I returned to my hut.|transition]]

There was nothing I could do to persuade Hortense away from her bloody path. As the fighting renewed, I slipped out of the castle and [[returned to my hut.|transition]]

<<set $week to 3>> <<goto "Week 1">>

In the hut Week: <<print $week>> Money: <<print $money>> Spells: <<for $i to 0; $i lt $spells.length; $i++>> <<print $spells[$i]>> <</for>> On the sixth week, a messenger from the castle came with a summons. <<if $hortense.includes("home")>>"From the king?" I asked. He replied, "No, from Princess Hortense. In the king's absence, she has assumed authority." <<endif>>[[I accompanied him.]] [[I refused to go.]]

The next day, I emerged from the glamoured house. The orcs had passed nearby, cutting trees as they went. [[Were the villagers alright?]] [[Back to the grind.]]

Hortense came back to the tower. This time, she was apprehensive. For our second lesson, I chose to turn her into [[an ant.]] [[a dog.]]

She replied, "My father has gone away to find the Holy Grail, or maybe just a nice place to write his novel. Either way, the nobles are at each others' throats." "What are you going to do?" I asked. <<if $hortense.includes("love")>>"I must be the voice of the people," she said. "No-one will speak for them but me." There was a somewhat manic tone in her voice. [[I offered to help.]]<<elseif $hortense.includes("fightback")>>"I will destroy the usurpers!" she declared. [[I felt unsettled.]] [[I offered to help.]]<<else>>"I don't know" she said. "But I must find a way on my own." [[I returned to my hut.|transition]]<<endif>>

Hortense smiled with pride and picked up a mace. "Don't worry about me," she said. "I've got this." [[I returned to my hut.|transition]]

We went to the castle. <<if $hortense.includes("dead")>><<display "Hortense Dead">><<elseif $hortense.includes("love") && $hortense.includes("risk")>><<display "Hortense Freedom">><<elseif $hortense.includes("love") && $hortense.includes("beg")>><<display "Hortense Creepy Benevolence">><<elseif $hortense.includes("safe") && $hortense.includes("beg")>><<display "Hortense Traditional">><<elseif $hortense.includes("fightback")>><<display "Hortense Tyrant">><<else>><<display "Hortense Incompetent">><<endif>>

"But" the messenger protested, "you are needed by the new regime. This may be your only chance to alter the shape of things to come. Will you come?" [[Okay, fine.|I accompanied him.]] [[Nah.]]

Ignorance was bliss. What do I care if the Chosen One succeeded, brought peace to the land, or became a tyrant? I had a hut in the forest. It was good enough for me. AN END.

Near the castle, I could see the tension in farmer's faces. They struggled under the strange certainty of uncertainty: the belief that no matter what came next, it could not be good. I was shown into the castle to meet the new regime. In the throne room sat a council of lords. They looked up from a shouting match at me, redfaced and helpless. I soon found out that things were not going well, at all. Every lord accused all the others of the most awful sorts of graft. Banditry was on the rise and the kingdom was only one crisis away from collapse. I decided to [[help them the best I could.]] [[turn them all into newts and seize power myself.]]

<<if $orcs == "defeated">>The devastation caused by the orcs was signifcant, but there<<else>>There<<endif>> was something unusual in the faces of the soldiers and farmers. They seemed to have a faint glimmer of hope. When I arrived at the castle, Hortense greeted me at the gate. She exclaimed, "I'm so glad you've come! Welcome... to the new republic!" She was transitioning power to a republic. A constitution was already in the works and a general election would soon be held. There was only one problem. "One of the noblemen is intimidating and bribing voters. If he wins, he will become king, and the republic will be stillborn. Can you help?" <<if $spells.includes("Illusion of Terrible Beauty")>>[[Yes.]] <<endif>>[[No, I don't think so.]]

I arrived at the castle. <<if $orcs != "defeated">>The guard on duty was missing an arm, likely due to the orc attack. <<endif>>He was smiling too much as he ushered me in. "The Goddess-Ruler speaks highly of you," he said. Inside the throne room, now converted to a temple, Hortense sat draped in gold. "You were right," she said, "I am the Chosen One. I will rule and make people happy and simple forever. Will you help me?" [[Sure, what's the worst that could happen?]] [[No, this got weird.]]

<<if $orcs == "defeated">>The castle was struggling to rebuild after the orc attack.<<else>>The castle was in good shape, all trace of the coup forgotten.<<endif>> Hortense greeted me in her father's chair. "Stay the course, that's my motto," she said. "Why fix a kingdom that's only broke once?" I offered to help, but she shook her head. " A <<wizardwitch>> isn't a part of a normal court. At least I still had my <<if $house.includes("cowprint")>>cow stuff<<elseif $house.includes("art")>>modern sculpture<<elseif $house.includes("wine")>>fun wine plaque<<else>>dignity<<endif>>. AN END

We passed three groups of soldiers on the way to the castle. In the castle courtyard, prisoner who did not fit into the dungeon hung from cages. I found Hortense in the highest room of the highest tower. "One can never be too careful," she said. "There are conspirators everywhere." [[I offered to help take the conspirators down.]] [[I left as quickly as possible.]]

The castle was in terrible shape. The front gate hung off its hinges, and the insides were thoroughly looted. "Thank God you've come," said Hortense, on the verge of tears. "I think you were wrong. I can't be the Chosen One. I can't do anything." I replied, [["Not to worry. We'll set it right."]] [["Yeah, looks like you're pretty much the worst."]]

<<if $spells.length gt 3>>Even with the spells I'd learned, there<<else>>There<<endif>> was nothing I could do to put the country back together. By the end of the week, I'd left for good, letting the lords stew in the mess they'd created. At least I still had my <<if $house.includes("cowprint")>>cow stuff<<elseif $house.includes("art")>>modern sculpture<<elseif $house.includes("wine")>>fun wine plaque<<else>>dignity<<endif>>. AN END

I quickly seized power. Unfortunately, most of the people who knew anything about governing had become more interested in eating insects. I looked forward at an uncertain future. Could magic alone make one a great leader? AN END

With my powers of illusion, I could dominate the election. I chose to [[destroy the campaign of the nobleman.]] [[ensure the victory of Hortense.]] [[stand for election myself.]]

My powers did not lend themselves to electioneering. I left Hortense to fight her own battles. The republic would not last, but perhaps the dream of it would. I returned to my hut in the forest. At least I still had my <<if $house.includes("cowprint")>>cow stuff<<elseif $house.includes("art")>>modern sculpture<<elseif $house.includes("wine")>>fun wine plaque<<else>>dignity<<endif>>. AN END

Though I eliminated the nobleman from a campaign, Hortense did not win. Instead, a minor bishop became the first president of the kingdom. This bishop was not friendly towards me, but he was friendly towards the peasants. I returned to my hut in the woods with the satisfaction of a job well done. AN END

I gave Hortense such beauty and charisma that she sewpt away all other candidates. "This is not what I intended," she said. "But I will do my best." The republic awas off to a strong start. Who know if it would withstand the pressures of this orc-filled world? AN END

I easily seized power. Hortense went into self-imposed exile. I looked forward at an uncertain future. Could magic alone make one a great leader? AN END

I considered how best to serve the Goddess. <<if $spells.includes("Fireball")>>[[I would incinerate the sad people, leaving only happy ones.|I would newtify the sad people, leaving only happy ones.]]<<else>>[[[[I would newtify the sad people, leaving only happy ones.]] <<endif>> <<if $spells.includes("Illusion of Terrible Beauty")>>[[I would use illusions to make her even more beautiful.]]<<endif>>

I narrowly escaped her smiling guards and slipped back to my humble hut in the woods. I heard much about the changes in the outside world, not all of it good. Any Goddess has heretics, and Hortense never stopped waging wars in the name of making the world happy. At least I still had my <<if $house.includes("cowprint")>>cow stuff<<elseif $house.includes("art")>>modern sculpture<<elseif $house.includes("wine")>>fun wine plaque<<else>>dignity<<endif>>. AN END

I removed all the downers, and life was so much better! Everyone lived happily ever after. Everyone left. AN END

I made her a real Goddess. She was worshipped across the continent, even by the orcs. There was peace in the world. A terrible, frightening peace. AN END

She identified several threats to the throne. I <<if $spells.includes("Fireball")>>fireballed them<<else>>newted them<<endif>> good. I became Hortense' personal enforcer. Some days, what I did haunted me. But mostly, it seemed necessary. She was the Chosen One, after all. AN END

Paranoia is dangerous. I made my excuses and left, under the suspicious eyes of the soldiers. I returned to my hut in the forest. At least I still had my <<if $house.includes("cowprint")>>cow stuff<<elseif $house.includes("art")>>modern sculpture<<elseif $house.includes("wine")>>fun wine plaque<<else>>dignity<<endif>>. AN END

I took up residence in the highest room of the tallest tower. I started to put things right by <<if $spells.includes("Fireball")>>[[using fireballs to compel tribute from the orcs.]] <<endif>><<if $spells.includes("Illusion of Terrible Beauty")>>[[using an illusion to make the people fall in love with Hortense.]] <<endif>>[[hoping for the best.]]

I left Hortense crying in the courtyard and went home, feeling like a heel. At least I still had my <<if $house.includes("cowprint")>>cow stuff<<elseif $house.includes("art")>>modern sculpture<<elseif $house.includes("wine")>>fun wine plaque<<else>>dignity<<endif>>. AN END

Soon, the gold was flowing in from terrified and singed orcs. That took care of fiscal and foreign policy, but the people were still skeptical of Hortense' rule. I decided to <<if $spells.includes("Illusion of Terrible Beauty")>>[[using a beautiful illusion to make the people fall in love with Hortense.]] <<endif>>[[hope for the best.|hoping for the best.]]

It worked! Everyone likes charisma in a chosen one. The kingdom was still in shambles, however. I tried to fix things by <<if $spells.includes("Fireball")>>[[using fireballs to compel tribute from the orcs.|using a beautiful illusion to make the people fall in love with Hortense.]] <<endif>>[[hoping for the best.]]

Positive thinking, it turns out, is not the best policy. The kingdom collapsed. Hortense fled across the sea. I returned to my hut. At least I still had my <<if $house.includes("cowprint")>>cow stuff<<elseif $house.includes("art")>>modern sculpture<<elseif $house.includes("wine")>>fun wine plaque<<else>>dignity<<endif>>. AN END

I pulled it off. I stabilized Hortense' rule. However, she did not have the confidence to pick up where I left off. I stayed on as advisor, trying to keep the kingdom from toppling. Perhaps this was destiny. Perhaps my life was not my own. Yet, I couldn't help but think if this was all there was to life. Even as I thought this, I still kept up with the work. No-one else would do it. AN END

<<goto "With my tutelage, of course!">>

<<set $week to 5>> <<goto "Week 1">>

I crept through the bushes and peered at the silent marchers. They appeared to be some form of angry mob. The mob members clutched pitchforks and waved torches. They were led by a well-dressed, red, and angry woman. [[I joined them, waving a stick in angry unison.]] [[I turned the leader into a newt.|by turning her into a newt.]]

Just as I reached my front door, the murmuring people emerged from the forest. I saw then that they were an angry mob, bearing pitchforks and torches. [["Hello, neighbors! Out for a friendly pitchfork-and-torches group walk?"]] [["Doom! Doom shall come upon any who approaches."]] [["Greetings. Why don't we all just calm down a smidge?"]]

I slipped in near the back. Around me, I overheard angry murmurs. "The <<wizardwitch>> will kill us all," whispered one. "<<HeShe>> bathes in the blood of youths in order to live eternal," said another, incorrectly, as I never got the hang of blood magic. Too much work. These whispers turned into yells as we came up to my hut. The leader knocked angrily on my hut's door. When no-one answered, the crowd milled about angrily. I [[called out, "Maybe it's an ambush!"]] [[remained silent.]]

The anger turned to fear. People on the edges of the mob faded into the trees. Soon, only the leader and I remained. "Break into the hut!" she ordered. I responded by [[turning her into a newt.]] [[running into the forest.]]

The mob broke my windows and trampled my azaleas. Eventually, patience wore down and boredom set in. The mob dispersed, one by one. In the end, only the leader and a few others remained. She gave a last petulant kick at the door and said, dejectedly, "Let's go home." [[I slipped away.]]

She shrank into a newt and scuttled off into the woods. That should keep the angry mobs to a minimum, I thought. [[I settled into my new home.|Week 1]]

When I circled back, I found that the woman had broken several of my windows and left. Picking up the pieces, [[I settled into my new home.|Week 1]]

My house was in terrible shape and my poor azaleas were forever slain. However, all told, everything could have gone worse. [[I settled into my new home.|Week 1]]

The king appraised me as I explained how my GPA and work study programs made me uniquely positioned for work as a tutor. I presented references. I even described my familiarity with common word processing systems like vellum. Finally, the king simply said, "I'm not going to pay you." I replied, [["I'm just happy to get my foot in the door."|Excellent!]] [["Oh, man, no. No."]]

I went back home. Hortense would be fine. It's not like Chosen Ones lost their way and became dangers to the human race as a whole that often. [[I returned home.|transition to Week 2]]

<<if $money gt 0>> They took all my silver coins.<<if $house.includes("premium cauldron")>> They took the cauldron.<<endif>><<if $house.includes("scrying dish")>> They took the scrying dish.<<endif>><<if $house.includes("cowprint")>> They even took all my cow stuff.<<elseif $house.includes("art")>> They even took my modern art.<<elseif $house.includes("wine")>> They even took my fun wine plaque.

My self-esteem was at an all-time high. I gave myself several rounds of applause. Then I kicked back and [[took the rest of the week off.|I had earned the rest of the week off.]]

I gathered up a stack of battle banners and strolled cheerily over to the castle. <<if $hortense.includes("dead")>>From the look of it, the kingdom did not know that orcs had even been a problem. There were no knights mounted, no army marshalled. I called at the gate. The guard there informed me that the new Parliament of Lords was in session and was deadlocked over the issue of whether tanners had the right to own property. [[I left, empty-handed.]] <<else>>On the castle green, the kingdom's army was marshalling. On the general's platform overlooking the camp stood<<if $hortense.includes("bite")>><<elseif $hortense.includes("home")>>, to my great surprise,<<else>>, to my great joy,<<endif>><<if $hortense.includes("angry")>>Princess Hortense. <<if $hortense.includes("home")>>It seemed she had, somehow, taken control of the kingdom.<<endif>> <<if $hortense.includes("angry")>>Hortense commanded her guards, "Surround this <<wizardwitch>>. Careful, for I know not of what <<heshe>> is capable." The guards closed in around me. [[I blasted my way out of the camp.]] [[I implored Hortense to see reason.]] <<else>>Hortense ran towards me. "I'm so glad you've come!" she cried. "We're about to go to fight the orcs, and we could use some magic!" I replied, [["Already taken care of."]] <<endif>>

I let loose a stream of fireballs. I don't think I hurt anyone too badly, but I did wreck up some wagons and tents. The guards ran screaming. I threw the orc banners and [[said, "You're welcome," sarcastically.]]

Reason generally never works, and this time was no exception. At a nod from Hortense, a guard thumped me on the back of the head. [[I awoke in the dungeon...]]

I left and went home. I assumed that was the last I would hear from Hortense. I was wrong.<<set $hortense.push("enemy")>> [[I tried to go back to normal life.|Tough luck.]]

<<if $hortense.includes("fightback")>> Hortense sniffed, then declared, "I can defeat orcs by myself, you know. I don't need my tutor hovering over me at every moment." I replied, [["Well, EXCUUUUUUUUSE MEEEEEE, PRINCESS," maturely.]] [["I understand you must fight your own battles," passive-aggressively.]] [["Nonetheless, I must ask for a reward," sensibly.]] <<else>>Hortense beamed. "Oh, good," she said. <<if $hortense.includes("home")>>"I don't think I care much for war."<<else>>"I'm not sure being turned into animals quite prepared me for fighting orcs. I had to admit she had a point. Perhaps I would focus on more practical skills with my next Chosen One.<<endif>> I told her [[I was glad to have helped.]] [[I thought an award was in order.]] <<endif>>

Hortense clasped me on the shoulder. She leaned in and asked, "If I offered you a position in the court, would you accept?" [["Would I? Yes. Yes I would."]] [["Nah."]]

<<if $hortense.includes("love") && $hortense.includes("risk")>>"Of course," Hortense replied. "The kingdom owes you much. Like the sparrows, I hope you keep on doing your thing." Her courtiers gave me a chest of silver and sent me on my way. <<set $money to $money + 40>> [[I went back to my hut.|Naw]] <<elseif $hortense.includes("safe") && $hortense.includes("beg")>>She smiled widely with her mouth, but not her eyes. She said, "Is not my love enough a reward for any subject? As with the ant queen, does it not please you to serve? For a reward, why not stay here to fight all my battles? [[Nope, been great talking and being creeped out, but I've got some sitting in a hut to do.]] [[Um... sure?|"Would I? Yes. Yes I would."]]<<else>> Hortense replied, "I cannot afford to reward you up front. Yet, would you consider coming to the castle as our official War Wizard? I'm sure we'll find room in the budget to pay you sometime." [[Sure!|"Would I? Yes. Yes I would."]] [[Absolutely not.]] <<endif>>

Hortense said, "I understand," though her eyes were not understanding. "Thank you anyways, for all you have done." [[I returned to my cabin in the woods.|

Government job. Pension. Benefits. 6 weeks vacation/pilgrimage time. With Hortense at the helm and me in her treasury, I had it made. AN END

<<goto "Excellent!">>

<<if $firstscry == 0>>I looked deep into the dish. I cleared my mind. I thought about how clearing a mind is a weird expression, and whether it is possible to actually stop thinking or if the conscious parts of our brain<<else>>I cleared my mind, like, so fast. I was getting good at this!<<endif>><<set $firstscry to 1>> <<if $week == 3 || $week == 5>>The future came to me. A dark horde of orcs, approaching fast! [[I hid my valuables and boarded up the hut.]] [[I screamed, "What do you know! You're a dish!" and then threw it across the room.]] <<elseif $week == 5>>The future came to me. An end to my story, for good or ill. [[Time to get ready.|Week 1]] <<endif>>

I orc-proofed the hut. My valuables, I buried in a forest glen. My windows, I covered in plywood. As a final touch, I painted these words on the exterior: "Orcs are very cool dudes and also there is no loot here." <<set $boarded to 1>> [[Well, moving on...]]

The dish clattered against the wall, but remained unbroken. Humbled by its strength, I picked it up and placed it back on the table. [[I looked around my hut.|Week 1]]

When you need to incinerate, you can't go wrong with that time-tested classic: fireball. With my current cauldron, I knew that I would need <<if $house.includes("premium cauldron")|$fireballprogress gt 0>>one week to learn it. [[Time to finish it up!|incinerate my enemies]] [[Sounds like too much work.|Week 1]]<<else>>two weeks to learn it. [[I'd better get started, then!|incinerate my enemies]] [[Two weeks??? I can only focus for fifteen minutes! No way.|Week 1]] <<endif>>

If I mastered a good glamour, I would never have to shower or moisturize again! With my current cauldron, I knew that I would need <<if $house.includes("premium cauldron")|$glamourprogress gt 0>>one week to learn it. [[Time to finish it up!|create greater illusions]] [[Sounds like too much work.|Week 1]]<<else>>two weeks to learn it. [[I'd better get started, then!|create greater illusions]] [[Two weeks??? I can only focus for fifteen minutes! No way.|Week 1]] <<endif>>

I suppose that killing the Chosen One was bd for my long-term finances, but I couldn't turn back time... yet, anyway. <<set $week to 5>> [[I went home|Week 1]]

<<if $hortense.includes("safe") && $hortense.includes("beg")>>The Princess declared, "You taught me that order is important. I must follow my father's example. And my father would have you imprisoned for your insolence." Before I could react, I was clubbed on the back of the head and sank into a deep dark unconciousness. [[I awoke in the dungeon...]] <<elseif $hortense.includes("love")>>Hortense looked hurt, but she called off her guards. "<<HeShe>> has the right to <<hisher>> opinion." She threw a small bag of coins at me and then walked off.<<set $money to $money + 10>> [[I went back to my hut.|Tough luck.]]<<else>>Hortense simply turned and walked away. There was nothing to do but [[go back to my hut.|Tough luck.]]<<endif>>

"Indeed," said Hortense, and her guards hustled me out of her sight. [[I went back to my hut.|Tough luck.]]

<<if $hortense.includes("safe") && $hortense.includes("beg")>>The Princess declared, "You taught me that order is important. I must follow my father's example. And I suppose he did reward people every now and then. <<elseif $hortense.includes("love")>>Hortense looked hurt, but she called off her guards. "<<HeShe>> has the right to <<hisher>> opinion."<<endif>> She threw a small bag of coins at me and then walked off.<<set $money to $money + 5>> [[I went back to my hut.|Tough luck.]]

...propped up against a slimy wall. My hands were chained above my head. I was terribly thirsty. Beside me was a line of prisoners, many in formerly fine clothing. They were the other victims of Hortense's mad rush for power. A guard sullenly paced through the dungeon. I tried [[casting a spell of Newtification on the guard.]] <<if $glamourprogress >= 2>>[[casting an illusion to confuse the guard.|casting a glamour to confuse the guard.]]<<endif>> [[asking the guard for water]] [[wriggling free.]]

Before I could even finish talking, I was clubbed on the back of the head and sank into a deep dark unconciousness. [[I awoke in the dungeon...]].

There was nothing to do but [[go back to my hut.|Tough Luck.]]

I started the incantation, and then realized my hands were bound! Spells don't work with grandiose waving of the arms, as we all know. In desperation, I tried [[casting Newtification by waving my legs.]] [[wriggling free.]]

I started the incantation, and then realized my hands were bound! Spells don't work with grandiose waving of the arms, as we all know. In desperation, I tried [[casting the glamour by waving my legs.]] [[asking the guard for water.|asking the guard for water]] [[wriggling free.]]

I did it! An hour later, I slipped quietly out of the castle. I considered going home, but it was too dangerous. Too many people knew where I lived. It was time to try my luck somewhere else. AN END

I did my best, given that I'd always thought of "legs and core day" as optional. My legs weekly flapped as I wove the spell. It went wrong, and right. Instead of seeing beauty and power, the guard saw something of mind-shattering terror. He threw his keys and club to a nearby prisoner and ran screaming from the dungeon. The prisoner unlocked herself and tossed the keys to me. After some fumbling, I managed to get out of the cuffs. [[I ran.]] [[I handed the keys to another prisoner, then ran.|I ran.]] [[I unlocked the other prisoners and rallied them as a fighting force.]]

I considered going home, but it was too dangerous. Too many people knew where I lived. It was time to try my luck somewhere else. AN END

In the dark dungeon, our eyes gleamed brightly. Our hearts burned with a love of liberty. We would take back the castle. Most of the others were also former aristocrats, so it took quite awhile to explain that we didn't need forty unarmed officers at the back "advising" the soldiers up front. But eventually they got the message and armed themselves with clubs and chains. We burst out into the sun of the castle courtyard. Hortense's guards were caught unawares and fell below a rain of blows. I [[saved them.]] [[fled, like a coward.|let it go.]]

It worked! The guard turned into a newt, his empty clothes clattering down against the bars. They were close enough for me to grab the keys. After some fumbling, I managed to get out of the cuffs. [[I ran.]] [[I handed the keys to another prisoner, then ran.|I ran.]] [[I unlocked the other prisoners and rallied them as a fighting force.]]

It wasn't their fault that the Chosen One went mad with power. In fact, it was no-one's fault! Least of all, mine. Anyways, I did save the guards. I had them bound and left in the courtyard. Then, I considered our next move. [[To the keep, to bring down the tyrant!]] [[To the gate, and sweet freedom!]]

I considered going home, but it was too dangerous. Too many people knew where I lived. It was time to try my luck somewhere else. AN END

The prisoners forced open the keep gate and held it against a counterattack. Seizing the opportunity, I dashed up the stairs. I reached the highest room of the highest tower, regretting my lifelong aversion to cardio, wheezing and sweaty. Hortense turned towards me. "I did the best I could," she said matter-of-factly. And what was to be her fate? [[A severe newting]] [[exile|exile.]]

Hortense's remaining soldiers mounted a last-ditch defense of the gate. My mob came to a sudden stop, facing a thicket of spears. I [[led an attack, bashing and newting people.]] <<if $spells.includes("fireball")>>[[blasted them apart with a fireball.]]<<endif>>

We took many casualties, finally, we broke through. What remained oft he mob scattered, frightened, into the forest. I considered going home, but it was too dangerous. Too many people knew where I lived. It was time to try my luck somewhere else. AN END

I shattered the gate into flaming splinters. Our mob ran out into the surrounding farmland. I considered going home, but it was too dangerous. Too many people knew where I lived. It was time to try my luck somewhere else. AN END

Under my terrible gaze, Hortense shrivelled into a newt and scurried into the cracks of the castle keep. Now, I was free to [[leave.]] [[rule forever as a magical God-King.]]

Hortense sadly left her childhood home. Now, I was free to [[leave.]] [[rule forever as a magical God-King.]]

I had not saved the kingdom. I may have slightly improved it? Well hey, at least I got some life experience. AN END

The guard acknowledged the importance of hydration. He passed me a cup through the bars. [[I stole his keys.]] [[I offered him a bribe.]]

I did it! An hour later, I slipped quietly out of the castle. I considered going home, but it was too dangerous. Too many people knew where I lived. It was time to try my luck somewhere else. AN END

I somehow convinced him that I was wealthy. An hour later, I slipped away from him in the forest outside the castle. I considered going home, but it was too dangerous. Too many people knew where I lived. It was time to try my luck somewhere else. AN END

I walked off into the sunset, content with my good deed, or at least a neutral deed. AN END

ALL HAIL. ALL HAIL OR BE A NEWT. AN END

<<set $hortense to [""]>> <<if $hortense.includes("Yes")>>Yes<<else>>no<<endif>>

<<set $week to 5>> <<goto "Week 1">>